Thursday, November 20, 2014

Today, I Refuse




Today, I refuse to accept that it’s gotten to this point

I refuse to accept that I will not be able to leave my couch or bed for longer than a minute or two

I refuse to accept that I am unable to drive and am losing my independence

I refuse to accept the crushing fatigue

I refuse to accept the medication I take makes me worse as it makes me better
 
I refuse to accept I can’t work

I refuse to accept the diminishing participation in my passions and hobbies

I refuse to accept I can’t walk more than a few feet without aid

I refuse to accept that any form of exercise is so difficult

I refuse to accept my body getting weaker every day

I refuse to accept the cost of illness my husband and family also have to bear

I refuse to accept there’s no cure or real treatment for my conditions

I refuse to accept my difficulty to show up to appointments and medical tests

I refuse to accept that no matter how hard I try to do everything right, I've only been getting worse 

I refuse to accept the powerlessness

I refuse to accept my body as an unwilling participant in my life



But tomorrow, I’ll wake up and I will try to accept again



Because acceptance makes tomorrow bearable

Acceptance is liberation

Acceptance is healing


Today, I refuse

Tomorrow promises a fresh start to try again

3 comments:

  1. There are no words to express how I feel. Acceptance doesn't come easily. Seven years down the line and I am still struggling with this. I take it a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. Hugsxxx

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    Replies
    1. Rachel, I agree. I think it's ok to sometimes allow yourself to be angry, frustrated, whatever because it's impossible to accept it all of the time. It's a slow climb and sometimes you slip and fall, but eventually you'll keep going. Hugs back at you.

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  2. Acceptance is a constant battle, instead of a perfect state of being. Here's to being a Warrior Lady.

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