Today, I Refuse

Today, I refuse to accept that it’s gotten to this point

I refuse to accept that I will not be able to leave my couch or bed for longer than a minute or two

I refuse to accept that I am unable to drive and am losing my independence

I refuse to accept the crushing fatigue

I refuse to accept the medication I take makes me worse as it makes me better

 

I refuse to accept I can’t work

I refuse to accept the diminishing participation in my passions and hobbies

I refuse to accept I can’t walk more than a few feet without aid

I refuse to accept that any form of exercise is so difficult

I refuse to accept my body getting weaker every day

I refuse to accept the cost of illness my husband and family also have to bear

I refuse to accept there’s no cure or real treatment for my conditions

I refuse to accept my difficulty to show up to appointments and medical tests

I refuse to accept that no matter how hard I try to do everything right, I've only been getting worse 

I refuse to accept the powerlessness

I refuse to accept my body as an unwilling participant in my life

But tomorrow, I’ll wake up and I will try to accept again

Because acceptance makes tomorrow bearable

Acceptance is liberation

Acceptance is healing

Today, I refuse

Tomorrow promises a fresh start to try again