Valentine's Day Playlist

This week I bring you something fun and uplifting, a Valentine’s Day playlist to get your groove on. I’m joining forces with my BFF Carrie Anne over at Little Big Blog for this one and we’re calling ourselves “Little Broken Hearts.” She curated her own love song playlist, and both playlists are here for you to enjoy.  

We text each other about 100 times a day, and she suggested this post about a week ago. She knows I’m a sucker for making playlists. I know many of you have activities you like to do while you have to rest on the couch or in bed as your body comes up with new ways to break, doing things such as adult coloring books or Netflix. I like those things too, but what I love to do the most is make playlists. I make a playlist for every event or gathering because I worry more about the music being right more than having the right food or drinks. I can spend hours fine-tuning playlists.

So when she suggested this post, my brain started spinning. These are songs that I really love and that make my heart feel warm and squishy. I hope they make you feel warm and squishy too! I explained a bit about each song and why I chose it.

Hit play and enjoy!

-Van Morrison “Into the Mystic”

This song has become like an anthem for me and husband, and we listen to it almost daily. The spirituality in the lyrics, the acoustic arrangement, and then the poignant saxophones that punch through give this song such a soulful, ethereal beauty that it’s hard not to feel your heart swell listening to it. It touches all the right places in my soul: “We were born before the wind/ Also younger than the sun / Ere the bonnie boats were won / As we sailed into the mystic”

-Nick Drake “Northern Sky”

We put this song on our playlist we gave as favors at our wedding 10 years ago. Nick Drake’s talent burned bright, but sadly he died far too young. He did leave us with his legacy of gorgeous music to still enjoy. This is another soulful, upbeat song that always makes me feel happy. Listen for the bouncy interplay of his guitar, the piano, and the organ. This one is perfect for long drives on sunny Sunday mornings.

-Bruce Springsteen “Secret Garden”

This song just slays me. Utterly slays me. I’ve been listening to it on loop the last few weeks. I can’t even do anything else while it comes on. It just possesses me completely. 

-Stevie Wonder “Creepin”

I’m a huge Stevie Wonder fan. Along with Nat Cole, he is my boyfriend. This is easily one of the sexiest songs he has written. Unsurprisingly, he plays every instrument on this song. It’s got all the makings of a great Stevie song but it’s the understated groove and longing in the lyrics that make this one perfect for love. This is a good one for make out sessions with your Valentine.

-Feist “Inside and Out”

This one is just pure fun. All respect to the Bee Gees, but Feist really modernized and improved this jam. The increased tempo really did the trick. This is one to dance to with your Valentine. Get up and shake it or get your groove on from your couch (which is how I do it).

- Sting "A Thousand Years"

I adore Sting. I love his intellectual brand of pop music and his brilliant musicianship. I had a hard time picking which song of his to include. I almost went with “Fields of Gold,”  but I really like this obscure song on one of his later albums. I love the cosmology imagery in the lyrics and the way he blends world music in his songwriting. This song deserves a careful listen. 

-The Nat King Cole - “There is No Greater Love”

I don’t even know what to say about Nat Cole. He is probably my favorite musician and has been for 20 years. His trio material is his best work, but most people know him for his vocal material. He was a brilliant pianist, organist, and arranger as well. This song is one of my all-time favorite songs in general. The arrangement is string-heavy but is the perfect complement to his velvet voice. “There is no greater love in all the world/ It’s true / No greater love than what I feel for you.”

-Sam Cooke- “I Wish You Love”

I’m convinced Sam Cooke’s voice has curative powers. It’s medicinal music. His voice has saved me multiple times when I’m crashing physically or emotionally. This song makes me feel melty all over. It’s hard to choose which Sam Cooke song to use for this list but this one is perfect.

-The Temper Trap “Sweet Disposition”

I only recently discovered this song even though it’s been popular for awhile. I had to include it because I’ve been listening to it non-stop for weeks now. It’s got everything you could want in a great pop love song: pulsing drum, falsetto vocals, an explosive chorus, an upbeat arrangement. This is also one to dance to.

-Diana Krall “Popsicle Toes”

This song is sexy and fun. She’s one of my favorite musicians and I’ve seen her live a few times too. This is a Michael Franks song she made her own. The sexy, suggestive lyrics and the pulsing groove make this one also a great make out song.

-Patty Griffin “Heavenly Day”

This song always makes me a little misty. It’s such a gorgeous ballad. I only started listening to Patty Griffin a few years ago and I really feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life not listening to her. My favorite part about this song is she wrote it about her dog.

-Tori Amos “Merman”

Like most Tori Amos fans, I’m a fanatic for Tori and have been since I was a teenager. I have her entire catalogue memorized. There are other embarrassing things I can share but I’ll save it for another time. This is one of my favorite Tori songs and the sweetest lullaby she’s ever released. It’s just her piano and her layered vocals. That’s standard Tori. Get your tissues out for this one. It’s unbelievably sweet. 

Now enjoy Carrie Anne's playlist! It's 90s perfection :) 

I wish you all love and a wonderful Valentine's Day!

What love songs would you include on your playlist?

When Love Prevails

My husband and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary at the end of June, which gave me a chance to really reflect on the challenges we’ve faced and the great life we’ve made together. The strength of our love for each other has weathered some serious setbacks over the last few years but I think it has been made stronger by these hardships. We've found a way to value the memories we have and laugh about the absurdities of life. 

Maybe you know my husband. Maybe you don’t. If you do know him in person, you may not know the full story. My husband is goofy, hilarious, sharp-witted, a gifted artist and maker of things. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of animals. He is an athlete as much as he is a nerd and has spent a good portion of his life playing D&D.

He is also the sole breadwinner in our family and has had to assume the role of caregiver as well, and he has done so without complaint. I think the key to marriage is to marry someone who is a better person than you and who in turn makes you a better person. Also, find someone who is as much of a weirdo as you are. I lucked out.

I met him in high school when we had a mutual friend who my husband would draw comics with. When we had art class together senior year, I thought he was one of the most obnoxious human beings I had ever encountered (but pretty cute). He was so effortlessly happy all the time, laughing and finger-painting with his friends. I was an angry person with some serious unresolved issues then and suffering through 8 A.M. art class didn’t help my demeanor.

We had another mutual friend who helped us connect during our first year in college. When we started meeting at a coffee shop to do homework together, I saw that his happy-go-lucky attitude had been tinged with some cynicism and I had started resolving my anger to be a little more at peace with the world. We met somewhere near the middle. We started dating and my husband moved in with me and my parents within a few months. We knew it was life-long from the get go.

We’ve had a few bumpy patches from the beginning, and my health has never been great, but we saw our lives stretched out in endless possibilities. One of our favorite pastimes was to talk about our dreams and goals, make 5 year and 10 year plans. We were broke but we were happy. We spent our 20s hiking, playing video games, spending a lot of time with our family and friends, trash-talking each other during board games. I look back on this time with fondness.  

We've had so many great memories along the way. He took on the role of a roadie as I was performing often and he would carry my equipment wherever I played. We would drive to the foothills on a whim and pay his grandma a surprise visit. We would visit his aunts in southern California and play games and go to the LA zoo. I never realized families were not all dysfunctional until I met his family. They are some of my favorite people. 

My parents took us to Hawai'i twice years ago and snorkeling, boogie boarding, swimming in the ocean together, sitting on the beach with my family are probably some of my favorite memories still.  

We literally climbed mountains together and have put in a lot of miles hiking Yosemite. Halfway through most hikes, I would be struggling and he would offer words of encouragement. Suffering and cursing my body, we’d eventually reach the top together and it always felt like a miracle. The climb down together was the easy part. This continues to be a metaphor for our lives together. Every day is a miracle.

I was in college almost all of the time we’ve been together and working at least one job, nose to the grindstone always. He worked jobs that allowed him time for his hobbies, making sure every day was filled with “good times.” As my friends and I in grad school often lamented that our lives were spent working for nothing 7 days a week, he jokingly would say “life choices.” I didn’t realize he chose the smarter path until I left grad school for good.

He always supported my long-suffering, financially precarious academic habit and even agreed to leave his home and friends and move to Nevada with me so I could do the absolute absurd: try to get a PhD in literature. He was in a motorcycle accident within a few weeks of moving there. His beloved scooter was toast and now he now has a bionic arm from the ordeal, although he suggested to the EMTs in the ambulance that he wanted a hook if he had lost his arm. We often joke that Reno tried to kill us both.

We made a good life for ourselves in Nevada, became liberal gun owners (as one does in Nevada) and would go target shooting in the desert, we watched wild horses roaming in the desert, did some hiking, and saw ourselves potentially staying there for good.

But I guess plans, especially ones that are carefully orchestrated and plotted, are made to be undone.

After I got ill in 2011, all the plans we had made were in question, and I wanted to go home and try to reclaim some sense of normalcy. Once again, he agreed to move back to California despite how much he loved living in Nevada. Our lives since then have been filled with ups and downs, including years where I am working and contributing and years where I’m not.

Every time our plans come crashing down, we gather the pieces and put them back together—creating something new, adjusting to a transformed reality and carving out a way to thrive in it. I would say we have been successful—at least successful on our own terms. We have become professionals at adapting and adjusting on the fly.

I’ve been watching all of The West Wing and am intrigued by the storyline of President Bartlet’s Multiple Sclerosis. In one episode, his MS left him paralyzed and as the First Lady helps him get into in his pants, he looks at her and says, “I guess this is what vows are for.” Indeed. Through sickness and health. Through thick and thin.

We have adjusted. We are adjusting. Although we aren’t able to do many of the things we used to do together, we haven’t lost everything—not by any means. We still have sci fi shows, video games, board games, Led Zeppelin, making art, philosophical debates, and the occasional excursion into nature. We're making new memories with our families, our crazy nephews, our friends who are more like family. We're still a bunch of nerds. 

I often read other's stories who have lost so much because of illness, including the dissolution of what they thought were unbreakable vows. I think we are aware that things could be much worse and I wake up and go to bed every day with a conscious, determined sense of gratitude. As often as I come across stories of dissolution, I find stories of people who found a way to use catastrophe to build stronger bonds. The material realities that we believe determine so much of our lives, our identities, our relationships—I have learned—ultimately mean very little. If nothing else, this is one of the most invaluable lessons illness can provide.

Every time we hit a setback, I am often panicking, worrying, filled with fear. My husband just accepts the setback and figures out a way forward. He is brilliant at finding solutions and fixing things that seem irrevocably broken. My ringtone when he calls is the MacGyver theme song. I may have the degrees but he is the real brains behind the show. While I’m pondering the abstract, he is coordinating the particulars. Somehow we find a way to reach the top of the mountain together.

Most people don’t have to manage these obstacles at this age. Most don’t expect to have to be a caregiver for a spouse in your 30s. And this hasn’t been our only challenge faced too soon. We had to place my mother in a convalescent home earlier this year, far earlier than expected for her age. It often feels like we have lived a lifetime in the span of a few years, but we have weathered these setbacks with our love for each other and with the support of our family and friends. For our tenth anniversary next year, I am hoping we can have a party to celebrate with all of them. We need cake, good food, and great music.

We try to laugh about the absurdity of our lives often. Finding the absurdity in any situation is one our strengths. I told him once "I guess I'm now your trophy wife." He replied, "No. You're my trophy wheels." 

Every relationship will face some kind of test at some point, and every time you get to other side of it together, the narrative of the bond you share widens and deepens. The story of your entwined destinies motions to new hope, new challenges, new utterances of strength. Ultimately, you choose to face what remains still unwritten together, and that, more than anything, is the bravery of love.